Subject: English Literature
Student status: Home, Graduate
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The sense that things like graduate schemes were probably a bit worthless is not quite where I'm going but without value in any non-monetary sense, and I still think that actually, I still think that graduate schemes and most industries exist almost exclusively to perpetuate themselves. And to be honest, I say that like there's such a strong public sector-private sector dichotomy but even public sector organisations mostly exist to justify their own existence. They have to be efficient, do you know what I mean? It's not as if the private sector exists just to make money and the public sector exists just to be altruistic and help people, it's not … every organisation has to justify its own existence financially, otherwise it would collapse. It's just that the public sector ostensibly has a little bit more of a helping people ethos, whereas the private sector doesn't really have to pretend as much. Although increasingly, actually, all this emphasis on corporate responsibility, it gives at least the impression that the private sector has a bit of an interest. Why am I going on about public-private sector dichotomies?

I don't know.

Sorry, Graduate schemes.

Yeah and just generally having to fit into the world while you're analysing and deconstructing it, how was that for you?

Oh no, I didn't really have that … it didn't really precipitate any great crisis, psychologically, I guess or existentially. I love critical theory and Foucault, especially actually, I can certainly get down with a lot of Foucault, I can get down with a lot of ideas about neoliberalism being bad and all the rest of it, or perhaps, not being bad, is a terrible way of putting it, being a bit counterproductive if your ultimate goal is to be a bit happy. But I don't know, I suppose I had a bit of an inkling about that beforehand in that junior armchair Marxist kind of way, kind of junior armchair Marxist meets angry teenager thing. But I guess because I've had a tendency to see everything that I've done as a bit risible, it's difficult then to see, do you know what I mean? If you take everything with a bit of a pinch of salt, including critical theory and yourself, I think it's really maybe important to not take yourself and your position in the world that seriously. Because having a crisis about it suggests that you've placed a premium on you knowing what to do and you being a certain type of person, you being this way in the world, vs this way. Try not to take yourself too seriously, I guess.  

So I didn't really have a huge crisis because I've never really taken anything I've done particularly seriously, which I admit can also be a problem, as discussed with the unemployment. There's something about applying for graduate schemes and shit and filling in forms that demands a degree of  … I suppose self-reflection/self-importance that is a bit … again it kind of makes me want to be sick on my own shoes.